The Vulcan Heart
by Sithstrukk
Summary: Spock is leaving for the Enterprise's first mission, when he discovers his mother's journals, containing some poetry she wrote. In an attempt to honor her memory and to help control the strong emotions he is feeling, he begins to write his own... ON HOLD.
1. Chapter 1

**I do not own Star Trek.**

_"I bet you never even loved her!"_

Why did these words still ring in his ears as he meditated, months after they had been said? He knew it was done to provoke, but was it possible that James Kirk had a point? He _had _loved his mother, though he had never shown it; even when his father wasn't around. Part of loving someone is showing it, Spock knew that.

But that was in the past. It could not be changed, and it was pointless to lament it.

Spock opened his brown eyes at the chime of his communicator."Officer Spock, protocol reminded the U.S.S. Enterprise is due for takeoff in twenty four hours," Captain Kirk announced.

"Thank you, Captain," Spock replied. He closed his communicator and stood. Instead of the usual calm feeling he possessed after meditation, an overwhelming whirlpool of emotion lurked inside him. Grief for his mother and planet; regret for his love, Nyota, who had left him.

_I'm in control of my emotions;_ he breathed, and then repeated to himself. Once he had gained substantial control of his feelings, he set about packing his few possessions. Some clothes, an assortment of PADDS...and a package from his mother, tucked far in a drawer, unopened.

How could he have forgotten to open it? Granted, his mother had sent him many packages during his time at the academy. This particular one dated back to his early academy days, back when he had a rather careless roommate. Chances are his acquaintance cast it aside and forgotten it.

Spock knew _he _would not have forgotten it. In his mother's scrawling handwriting were the words:

_I wanted you to have these, when you were old enough._

With calm, steady fingers Spock carefully unwrapped the package. Inside was a small stack of PADDS, tied together with a navy blue ribbon. He took the first PADD from the stack. It was his mother's journal, started on the day of his birth.

_He's beautiful, and looks just like his Father. His eyes first opened a few minutes ago. I could have sworn he smiled at me._

Spock quickly read the next few entries. They were accounts of her relationship with her husband and son, and Spock's achievements throughout his childhood. One PADD spanned through Spock's entire life; Amanda's struggle to establish a strong relationship with him, her homesickness for Earth. The second PADD was the journal she kept through her childhood, normal events from her school days; all her feelings, good and bad, plain as day on the screen. The more he read, the closer he felt to his Mother.

The third PADD was all creative spirit; sketches, short stories, and a few poems. The final poem was addressed to Spock, written a few years before her untimely death.

_Spock,_

_You're my child of three,_

_But there's more of your Father in you than me,_

_And I know how proud I'm going to be._

_Spock,_

_You're my child of ten,_

_Your growing never seems to end,_

_You're going to be one of the greatest men._

_Spock,_

_You're my child of twenty,_

_You've made me feel a lot,_

_Though I've felt plenty._

_But I couldn't be happier,_

_You found your own path,_

_I miss you,_

_But still,_

_I'm proud of that._

Not very well written, yet heartfelt, Spock critiqued. But he knew his mother had not sent it to him for review. Her poem, titled _My Son, _could not mean more to him.

He had always followed his father's culture, _his _culture. He had neglected his Mother's culture all his life; seeing Earth beings and their ways illogical and unnecessary.

But surely he had a way to honor his Mother, too always remember her; by letting his feelings poor out onto a PADD, in a way he knew she would approve of: poetry.

**Well, that's the first chapter. I write all the poems in this story, along with the story. Please review!**


	2. Chapter 2

**I don't own Star Trek.**

The bridge of the USS Enterprise was no place to let your mind wander. At the control center of such a complex and vast ship, one needed to stay alert -especially if they were the first officer.

But Spock could not help but think about Nyota, as she sat at her desk across from him. She said it was best if they ended their relationship and were just friends. Spock later learned it was because she had found a new beau, an engineer named Dimitri. Spock was surprised and displeased by the turn of events. Short term relationships were uncommon in Vulcan society.

Even though Nyota said they were just friends, Spock could not help but love her. It was one o few feelings he accepted. It felt so warm, so nice.

As soon as he went off duty he retreated to his room. He reread _My Son_. Settling in with his own PADD, he began to write a poem to Nyota.

_What is the name of this game you play?_

_That's corrupt and broken,_

_Try as you may?_

_How many times have you been known to say,_

_The words you tell me every day?_

_Will you leave me,_

_Broken and ruined?_

_That's when you have won the game,_

_And I must go so the next one can play._

_Everyone before him,_

_Has gone through the same._

_Will you keep searching,_

_Until it is far too late?_

_And you realize you have lost,_

_The perfect soul mate?_

_I have doubt,_

_That's why this game, _

_I live without.-_

_What is the name of this game you play?_

_That's corrupt and broken,_

_This love game?_

Spock reread his handiwork. It expressed his pain and loss. He was sure he could return to work without thinking about her. His mother would be pleased he was managing his emotions like this. His Father; not so much.

He put the PADD away and turned to another one, containing a message from his Father.

_Colonization going well. I presume you are in good health aboard the Enterprise?_

_Live long and prosper,_

_Sarek_

Spock neutrally replied:

_Things are going well on the U.S.S. Enterprise. Captain Kirk is a good leader to his crew._

_Live long and prosper,_

_Spock_

He knew it would be days, even weeks, until his father responded. Sarek was helping lead a colony of some of the last surviving Vulcans; he had no time for idle conversation.

Neither did Spock. He was needed on the bridge in exactly forty-six minutes, and he had promised a chess tournament with Kirk.

**I promise, it gets more interesting. This chapter was a bit slow. Well, I suppose you know now that I'm going to say…review! :D**


	3. Chapter 3

**Whoa, I didn't update for a while… I'm sorry! I got caught up with other fics, and now school… anywho, the important thing is I updated, isn't it?**

**I don't own Star Trek.**

As Spock returned to his shift on the bridge, he encountered Uhura on her way out of the turbolift. She was obviously in a hurry to return to her quarters, as tears streamed down her face and her breath came in loud, painful gasps.

"Nyota," Spock said in a monotone, surveying her shaking form as he privately debated. Was this worth being late on the bridge?

"Spock," Uhura sobbed. She took a step backwards. "I'm… I'm sorry, I… Dimitri, he…" she trailed off, unleashing a fresh wave of tears.

"Lieutenant Uhura, what is wrong?" he calmly demanded, stepping into the turbolift and closing the door behind the two of them.

"Dimitri… I found out he was cheating on me. So I confronted him." Uhura took a deep breath, trying to regain composure but falling to yet another spurt of emotion. "And… he tried to hurt me…"

"Are you hurt?" Spock asked quickly. She shook her head.

"No, I ran away. But it was awful," Uhura moaned. She subconsciously moved closer to the Vulcan, pressing her chin against his shoulder. Spock allowed her to, though reluctant to show his share of affection after such trying events. She was behaving in a way Spock could not react to. It was… illogical. "Can you ever forgive me?" She continued? "I promise, nothing like that will even happen again… you're different from any man I've even known."

Spock took his time to respond, exactly one minute and seven seconds. _At times like this, let your emotion speak for you. _His mother's voice echoed in his mind, the words she had said on rare occasions coming to him. He remembered it so fondly because the occasions on which she used the phrase were often his best… and sometimes his worst.

"I am willing to continue this relationship, seeing that we have both learned from the past." Spock struggled to remain composed as Uhura threw her arms around him and kissed his neck, her tears already fading.

"I'm so sorry. He… he never made me happy," she murmured. "Is there anything I can do- _anything- _to make it up to you?"

Spock gently pulled her away for a moment so he could look her in the eye. "My only wish is that-"He paused. What did he wish? Nothing for himself. But perhaps something in her favor, to right the wrong that had been committed towards her? "My only wish is that you report Dimitri to Starfleet." He said firmly. "He had violated regulations concerning the treatment of fellow crew."

"Cheating isn't-"

"You implied he attempted to injure you, correct?"

"Yes."

"In accordance with regulation, you must report him to Captain Kirk."

Uhura smiled weakly, knowing he meant for the best. "Okay." She pulled Spock close to give him a long, forgiving kiss. Spock controlled his heart beat, despite the urge to let it pound with emotion. Would he ever regain control?

At last Uhura broke away. She said nothing more, just opened the turbolift and nodded. Spock gave a small, thankful nod back, then proceeded to the bridge.

"Mr. Spock." James Kirk glanced over the rim of his Captain's chair. "Congratulations. Your first tardy day; perhaps a glimpse at the weary burdens such a job poses to you?"

"I am fully capable of handling my duties of my task as an officer; the tardiness was planned," Spock said, ignoring Kirk's sarcasm as he seated himself at his computer.

"Ah. And what is the cause of this 'planned tardiness'?" Kirk prodded.

"Lieutenant Uhura."

Kirk fell silent. He knew what he needed to know. He would not press farther. Spock knew he had surmised they were once again together. It was well worth one tardy day, especially if you were Mr. Spock.

Reflecting on the recent events as he reached for his PADD, he realized how grateful-and lucky- he was to have Uhura. And how he was… happy? Satisfied? Satisfied would do, he thought, an idea already forming in his mind. An inspiration. A love poem; one for Uhura.

**Uh-yup! Uhura sure bounces back quickly!**

**There's a poem next chappie. Reviews make my day!**


End file.
